Splitting chores after a baby: why it tips

Many couples split the household neatly, until a baby arrives. Then it often shifts without anyone deciding it. There's no time to agree anything, and whoever gets there first does it. What do researchers say who measured that with a clock in hand?

What the study did

Jill Yavorsky and her colleagues followed a group of dual-earner couples around the transition to parenthood. They combined surveys with time diaries, in which parents kept track of where their time went.¹ They looked at paid and unpaid work, and also at whether a survey measures the split honestly.

What they found

• The gap wasn't there before the birth. It appeared afterwards.
• Women took on more than two extra hours of work a day, men forty minutes. That's what the time diaries showed.
• Mothers took on most of the childcare, and did not reduce their paid work hours.

The researchers describe these couples as well positioned to share the workload equally. That's exactly why the pattern stands out.

The most striking part: the survey didn't see it

In the surveys, parents overestimated their own work, and after the birth that overestimation grew. The researchers write that the inequality would not have been visible had they relied only on surveys.¹

That fits what many couples say: "we do it together". It can feel fair and still not match the clock. If you go only by how fair it feels, you may be missing exactly this.

What the study doesn't say

• It measures time, not thinking work. The invisible part, remembering and thinking ahead, comes on top. See Mothers and the mental load for what is known about that.
• It doesn't say why. It shows that the split shifts, not who is responsible for how much of that.
• It's a group of dual-earner couples around the transition to parenthood. Your situation may be different.

What you can do with it

These aren't findings of the study, but what follows logically from it:

• Agree before the birth who owns which area, not who does which task. An area takes the noticing and monitoring with it. How that works is in Sharing the mental load with your partner.
• Look again after a few weeks with a clock in hand. Write down who does what for a week. Your feeling can be wrong.
• Make capturing easier than remembering. In the first months nobody sleeps enough to remember. Saying something out loud the moment it occurs to you takes the least effort.

That last one is what Saam is for: you say what's going on, Saam turns it into a complete task and gives it to whoever has room that day, in WhatsApp and your calendar.

Take the test: who keeps track of everything?

Frequently asked questions

Does the split of chores really change after a child is born?
In a time-diary study of dual-earner couples (Yavorsky et al., 2015) there was no difference between women and men before the birth, and there was one afterwards. Mothers took on most of the childcare and did not reduce their paid hours.

How much extra work do mothers do after the birth?
According to the time diaries in that study, women took on more than two extra hours of work a day, men forty minutes. The study looked at paid and unpaid work together and at a group of dual-earner couples, so your numbers may differ.

Why don't couples often notice this themselves?
In surveys, parents overestimated their own work, and after the birth that overestimation grew. The researchers write that the inequality would not have been visible had they used only surveys. How fair it feels doesn't tell the whole story.

What helps?
The study doesn't offer a solution, but it follows logically: agree before the birth who owns which area, look again after a few weeks with a clock in hand by writing down who does what for a week, and make capturing easier than remembering.